A 100 Reasons why I HATE Twilight.

January 27th, 2010 madnad

Actually, there is only 10, but I figured a 100 would get your attention. I am sure if I could be arsed to read more than the first two books I would probably make it to a 100 no worries. Do feel free to add your own in the comments.

I also realise I have ranted about this subject before, and that what I might be doing is engendering you with an overwhelming desire to read it (if you haven’t already) just out of curiosity, but I am just sick and tired of it just taking over everything.

My inbox keeps filling up with supposed Michael Sheen google alerts. I open them excitedly, only to find old news relating to him being regurgitated by the endless stream of Twilight fan sites.  Not surprisingly, most of the fans had no idea who Michael Sheen was prior to his (lamented) appearance as Aro in New Moon, and so I am subjected to constant remarks of surprise when they find him in something else – did they seriously think this was his first real job? All the others cast members were obviously hired because of their looks, (apart from Robert Pattinson who is actually an okay actor but not very braw – casting director must have been drunk that day). I think Michael was hired simply to give this one some much needed gravitas. On set, I imagine all the others watching Michael do his scenes thinking ‘wow – is that what real acting looks like – it looks hard’.

More evidence of Twilights pervasive nature is for example Entertainment sites, where I would once would get information about the latest project of celebrity A or B, have basically become Twilight obsessees, and report on the dullness that is ‘OMG Kirsten Stewart has been spotted getting a coffee somewhere’… who gives a flying fuck?

Granted, the books are quite addictive (some additive in the paper has been suggested) but I think that is because the tantalizing preface gives us the impression something really exciting is going to happen, but it kinda doesn’t. During most of the climax of the first book, Bella is unconscious and so we miss out on all the action. Lazy writing?

They are in a rough ascending order, the one I feel most strongly about being no. 1. Let me count the ways…

10. It seems to me that ultimately, this book is a great big fat ‘Mary Sue’ – a book primarily functioning as wish-fulfilment fantasy for the author. Not always a bad thing, but so blatant in this book – particularly due to her obvious recreation of her mormonistic views towards sex before marriage, and de-fanged vampires.
9. The fans – I have to say, one of the things I find most repulsive (scary) about the books is the high level of hysterical obsession, it elicits from the fans. The books have such a hold over them. Why they fall for this poor quality pseudo-romance is beyond me. They are fiercely loyal, a trait I would normally admire, but to the point where they will form a witch hunt against any nay-sayers. Dear reader, I am taking my life in my hands by publishing this blog! It is not a romance – it is an obsessive crush based purely on (in Bella’s case) ethereal good looks and that he sparkles, and (in Edward’s case) because she smells nice. Not her wit or intelligence, or her humour or humanity, oh no… her scent. This kind of love does not exist, not to be called love anyway. One of many false ideals this book portrays.

8.  Is it just me that finds it a bit paedo-creepy Edward is like a 100 years older than Bella? Or, to look at it another way, why would someone with the life experience he must have at 100+ years, entertain the idea of a romance with a teenager.

7. Badly written. There are holes in the plot the size of the O2 stadium. The book is also meant to be told from the perspective of a 17 year old girl, yet the internal dialogue is of someone MUCH older. Maybe this is a ploy by the author to signify that Bella is more mature than her age… but for me it is just too forced. It is not very well written, and it seems like the author went through the first draft with a thesaurus in hand, and put in as many ‘big words’ as possible, rather than ones actually used in common parlance.

6. No touching. No kissing. And definitely No Sex. Just lots of frustrating angst. Bella’s scent is apparently just so intoxicating that Edwards fears he will lose control. This ties in with the first book’s cover showing a women holding an apple in her hands – the symbology is quite clear. Women are evil and hold temptation in their hands.

5. Everyone is so nauseatingly beautiful, with perfect hair, and luscious lips, and alabaster skin. Another false ideal, and impossible goal for teens uncomfortable with their changing bodies to aspire to
4. The Vampires are effete vegetarians with a tortured soul… and they sparkle. VAMPIRES DO NOT FUCKING SPARKLE (see a previous post – Vampires…Have they wussed out?. Also, I have to say something about the fact they refer to other fantasy characters in this series – ie werewolves. I know my friends at Werewolf News would not forgive me if I didn’t point out that THEY ARE NOT REAL WEREWOLFS. I do believe that this is actually straightened out in a later book where is clearly states they are shape-shifters…but still.

3. Edward – This character is probably the most popular with the largely young, female audience, but I find him the most loathsome of all. He is so manipulative of Bella. He controls their relationship from the start, to the point where Bella – even when confessing her love for him to herself – is almost resigned to the fact, as if it wasn’t her decision. He is attracted to Bella based purely on her scent, and behaves quite appallingly towards any other males that are (surprisingly) interested in Bella for reasons far more normal. He is jealous, and controlling. He decides when they take the relationship to the next level, he decides that he should perhaps leave as she is just too darn irresistible…. when does Bella get to have her say?

2. Bella – It terrifies me that girls as young as 8 or 9 are reading these books, and have Bella as a role model. She starts off a regular teenager, slightly introverted, reasonably intelligent, averagely good looking, not athletic in anyway, in fact extremely clumsy (to the point where she is a hazard to herself). Then she meets Edward, and becomes a spineless, weak willed, obsessive, who follows Edward around like a love sick puppy. She practically gives up on life when he leaves her, and becomes a ghost (see point 1). It is also made quite acceptable for her to lie to her family and ignore her friends in order to keep this love of hers.

1. Its ultimate sin is the portrayal of women, particularly the lead female, as some kind of weak-without-a-man creature who needs to be told what to do and is incapable of existing, or giving any value to themselves, without one in their life. Now, I realise that Twi-Tards (should they deign to stop by this blog) will defend it to the death. Don’t bother – I have heard all your arguments. Supposedly, the story takes us back to a time where it was very important to be liked by a boy, and the feelings of first love, and how you just want a boy to obsess about you. It is just a fantasy so why should it live up to a feminist ideal? I don’t think it is a ‘feminist ideal’ to not want our sisters, daughters and nieces to be exposed to something that is so dangerous. Don’t forget Twi-Tards – that it is thanks to the feminists of previous generations that YOU are able to buy a book, by a FEMALE author, with your OWN MONEY, to read in your SPARE TIME, and that your biggest complaint in life is that someone on the internet doesn’t like your favourite book.

I realise this work is considered a ‘genre’ piece, but because of this it does not mean that it must purely entertain, and does not exclude it from having a meaning beyond entertainment. This book is being read by (mostly) girls of an age that have yet to form opinions about love, life and themselves, and so is influencing them in a way that women of previous generations were not influenced. Yes, we had our fantasies growing up, but they were just in our heads – they were never realised into print, or the big screen to the same degree as the Twilight Saga, which serves to reinforce them to levels previously unknown.

I genuinely believe that most teens will grow out of this, and hopefully will come out the other side reasonably unscathed. There will be a few unhappy souls however, that will ‘become’ Bella. That will be made to feel that it is okay to have your self-worth hinge on whether someone ‘loves’ you or not, and lose any self respect in order to keep ‘their man’. There will also be those who spend many lonely days wistfully dreaming and waiting for their very own ‘Edward’ when unfortunately, impossibly good looking 100 year old immature vegetarian vampires don’t exist. Sadly, controlling, manipulative and obsessive men do and they are out there looking for Bellas.

Sheffield – A Reverie

August 18th, 2009 madnad

Part of my job here at the sunny University of Nottingham, is to organise workshops, conferences, that sort of thing.  I am in the process of setting one up for November and it will be held in Sheffield.

I grew up in Sheffield. Lived in Hillsborough for a while, and went to infant school there.  My family moved when I went up to Junior school, so I went to Parson’s Cross, and then onto Chaucer Comprehensive.

I have never really felt any romantic need to reminisce about Sheffield before, in fact, when I moved away at 16, I actually felt it was a good thing.  It seemed to me at the time, what with the increased unemployment and the general degeneration of the city centre, that it was a dying city. Sure, I would have liked to have stayed a little longer – I wanted to go to college with my friends (family dictated that I move to Skegness with them after my step-father was made redundant).  Even if I had stayed for college, I knew that I would not have made a career or home there. Compared to other cities at the time (circa 1986/7) I felt Sheffield was dirty, and run down, which thinking about it now, with the eyes of an adult, it probably was.

I haven’t really been back to Sheffield since about 1989.  I understand in that 20 years, there has been many changes. I have heard over the last few years that the local authorities have made an effort to revamp Sheffield and improve its appearance and reputation.  It now has a tram system, and a couple of Universities (they were only polytechnics when I was there).

I don’t remember a whole lot about my time there, as I had literally just finished high school when we moved, but there are a few lasting memories.

The Sheffield Show – most large cities and towns have an annual fete or show at some point during the summer.  I remember going there as a kid, and wandering past all the stands and being give free stuff! Admittedly, a lot of this stuff was publicity and promotional items such as a pen, or hat or key ring sporting the logo of some local firm.  They used to have fair ground rides and a there was a display area that had the local dance/karate/scouts club or whatever doing some demo. There was a stage too, run by the local station Radio Hallam.  I remember one year being quite impressed they had Showaddywaddy on.  Okay – I was only about 8 at the time!

Peace Gardens – Never really knew why they were called that.  It was a great place to have a seat and some lunch in between all the busy hanging out and chatting with pals.

Rebels / The Wappentake – During my high school years – I discovered ROCK!!!  I fell in love with rock music, particularly of the heavy metal/punk/Goth variety.  Two of the coolest places to hang out if you like rock or alternative music was the Wappentake (or just the Wap to its friends) and then onto the Rebels nightclub.  Now, I was never really old enough to go into the Wappentake.  I tried to once, with some friend – all of whom were younger than me – and I was the one that got kicked out. The gift of looking younger than my true age that I treasure now, I hated back then.

Rebels however, were not nearly as scrupulous about the whole age thing, and so in the last year of highschool I was a fairly regular visitor to said establishment.  It was a dark and dingy club with one bar and a sticky floor.  The seating round the edge of the room was interspersed with the occasional speaker which meant that the whole thing vibrated.  You had to climb several flights of stairs to get in, then bought your ticket (for a whole £1 if I remember rightly) then immediately turned to your left and handed it to the guy on the door who threaded it onto a string.  There was also a tv high in a corner that showed videos of Power Hour – a late night rock show.  When I went, it was the height of NWOBHM and bands like Def Leppard were kings, so a sea of denim and leather greeted you as you walked in.  There was also the cock rock queens – fans of Bon Jovi et al, and your thrashers in their Bermuda shorts a la Anthrax.  The strange and exotic goth girls with their crimped hair and lacy collars – what I desperately wanted to be – but I usually went in jeans and a t-shirt as I had told my mom that I was just spending the night at a friends.

The Hole In The Road – or as it it officially known – Castle Square.  This was, to a young child, a strange and magical labyrinth.  It was built as a means of pedestrians being able to navigate from one busy shopping street to another, avoiding the dangers of the traffic above.  You would descend an escalator and then walk through the hole, the top of which was open to the sky, and ascend up to your desired destination.  I don’t know how many times I attempted this but never seemed to get the right set of stairs the first time.  There was a few department stores above that had display windows round the edge, but the thing I remember most is the fish tank.  There was a large fish tank embedded into the wall on one side and was always a great meeting point for friends or lovers.

In the later 80s it fell into disrepair, with damaged lighting, graffiti, and general refuse – it became a muggers paradise.  Sadly, in the mid 90s, they filled it in.  I do think that this was a big mistake and that the council could have found another way to have the tram navigate the city centre, and instead spent some cash renovating it, repairing the paving stones and creaky escalators.  It was a unique feature of Sheffield and the city and its residents are the poorer without it.

Anyway, come November, I will hopefully get a chance to have a quick nosey around and will report back.

May the Shinest Sheen win!

April 23rd, 2009 madnad

And I think… he has!

For those wondering what on earth I am wittering on about, there has been an epic battle on Twitter between a Fake Michael Sheen and a Real Michael Sheen.

The faker made the mistake of obsessing a little too much about New Moon (the Twilight sequel that Michael will shortly be filming) and this was picked up by the many Twilight blogs out there. News of the twitter account obviously got back to Michael, so our man joined Twitter and graciously offered the Faker a chance to back off, but the stupid idiot thought this was just another faker and decided to have a pissing contest.

For us mere mortals it was amusing, the highlights were when the Real Michael posted that he was going to watch the ”making of” docco on the Frost/Nixon dvd, which prompted the Fake Michael to tweet that the ‘obsessed fan had just bought a dvd of his work’.

Calls on both sides for the other to ‘fess up were trumped when the Real Michael, who had mentioned he was at the Groundlings Event being held in LA, posted a picture of himself AT the event.

To the Real Michael…. well played sir…. the fucker will rue the day he ever tried to tussle with you!

To the Fake Michael (and the other fakers) … EPIC FAIL !!!!!!!!!!

Success!

February 16th, 2009 madnad

Today I received a good email. Hidden away among the rest of the flotsam and jetsam that is my infrequently visited inbox, was an email from the AAT. It seems that I have passed my final exam, and am now eligible to apply for full membership therefore allowing the letters MAAT after my name.

For those unfamiliar with the AAT, it is a finance qualification, somewhere between an A level and a degree.

I will not be applying for membership as I feel the use of letters after ones name these days is considered slightly pretentious. I will however be updating my CV. Although I am reasonably happy with my job, I am not too happy with the environment I work in.

I went out this weekend with my husband and a friend to a little event in town called ‘The Ghoul Garden’. This is a monthly Goth night held at a city centre venue, The Maze, and they play old school Goth and Punk that reminded me and my friend of halcyon days. Everyone was very friendly, and even though I did not recognise large swathes of the playlist, there were very few that I did not enjoy.

Now there is no fear of having to go back to night school, I have decided that once I have finished my Lucian fanfic, I intend to fulfil a long time wish of starting a website.

I have always enjoyed tinkering and learning new skills, particularly IT related, but have always held off as I had no clue as to what content would fill my corner of the web. With my renewed interest in Michael Sheen, and the discovery that there is only one badly laid out, infrequently updated site dedicated to such a fine actor, I have decided to do a Michael Sheen fansite and rectify the situation.

I have some lovely friends who are far more tech savvy than me, and will harrass them mercilessy when ever I hit a bump in the road – of which no doubt there will be many in my first foray.

Sanctuary

January 12th, 2009 madnad

I am sure you are eager to hear of the events of Friday night.

The Mighty Boosh show was brilliant. Despite Noel Fielding and Julian Barrat forgetting their lines once or twice, which descended in hilarious adlib, the Mighty Boosh team put a flawless show. We were seated on the left hand side of stage, and had an excellent view.

On Friday, we had some of the items that had been stolen in a recent burglary replaced by the Insurance Company. Yes dear reader, we had to live with the unpleasantness that is the intrusion of one’s home & sanctuary. This, I believe, is the biggest effrontery, that some immoral imbecile had the gall to invade our privacy. The items that were stolen where, at the end of the day, just things, that are easily replaceable and no one, thank the gods, was hurt. Since this event, we have improved security somewhat, by having their point of entry, and old wooden kitchen door (an admitted weak spot) replaced by a shiny new double glazed door with multi point locking. Thanks to the kind folk at Sherwood Windows, who did a superb job, I am a little more confident that our unwelcome visitor will not make an even more unwelcome return.

I have also considered the fact that when reporting this incident to the Police and Insurance Company that I was sadly lacking in information regarding our possessions. I have since determined to redress this situation with new purchases, and the replacements. It may appear a little tiresome, but should the unthinkable happen again, then we will be much more prepared and in turn, facilitate the jobs of the police and insurance companies. I urge you dear reader, to take note of all your possessions, particularly portable electrical items such as laptops and cameras. We have chosen to record the serial numbers, and other information on a word document. I have saved this to my hard drive, along with scanned copies of delivery notes/invoices etc. Once the task is complete, I will burn this onto a CD, to be stored securely in the new safe recently purchased.

I have also being doing some investigation into Smart Water. What a clever little invention this is! I am thoroughly amazed by it. I urge you dear reader, to invest in this. I fully realise that no amount of protection would dissuade a determined thief, but as the police pointed out to me, you only have to throw enough obstacles in their path, for them to consider searching out a softer target nearby.

I am reminded of an apocryphal tale of two camera men filming lions on the Serengeti. A male lion displays some aggression towards the intruders, then begins to walk towards them. The walk turns into a jog and he starts to get faster, as he gets closer. Both camera men drop their equipment, and turn to run. One starts to quickly put on his trainers. The other man says ‘you still won’t out run him’. The reply was ‘ as long as I outrun you….’.

Newer Entries »
Twitter Delicious Facebook Digg Stumbleupon Favorites More

  • What I am listening to

  • About This Blog

    Welcome to my blog. Intermittently I put down my thoughts on various topics, films, books etc. I don't do this regularly, just post when the muse takes me or someone pisses me off. These are my views, and if they are not to your liking, then I suggest you fuck off to some other corner of the internet. It’s not like there isn’t a whole load of it, so you don’t need to stay here getting all angsty. Don’t worry, I won’t be offended. I am not putting up my thoughts to start a dialogue with anyone. I have already made my mind up and so I don’t need you trying to convince me otherwise. Therefore, I have turned off comments. Nx

  • Recent Posts

  • Archives

free sex cams
Powered by WordPress | Designed by: best suv | Thanks to toyota suv, infiniti suv and lexus suv